Kino's Solutions to Everyday Death Tournaments
by girl.with.many.faces
Summary: Kino is the god of Free Will. But he used to be a human named Harry Potter. Offered up the chance to do things over, Kino finds himself smack dab in the middle of the Triwizard Tournament! Again! So he does what anyone would do in his situation, come up with the most insane methods of winning each task!
1. Chapter 1

**So, this started off with my friend and I coming up with ideas for ridiculous ways to complete each task in the Triwizard Tournament.**

**We came up with so many crazy scenarios that I started writing them down.**

**This…is the mutated baby of that list.**

**I do not own Harry Potter.**

So, what now?  
Harry opened his eyes. He was in a world of blackness. It was quite unlike the nice, pristine nine and three quarters platform that he had been expecting.

Wait. Expecting?

"I died?" Harry whispered out loud.

"Not quite."

Harry turned around to see a cloaked figure. He couldn't help but smile slightly,

"So, this is it then? My next great adventure?"  
The cloaked figure was silent for so long that Harry thought that he might have said something wrong.

"You are so strange."

"Um…I'm sorry?" Harry blinked, not having expected that assessment.

"The Master of Death…you do know the hollows could only be owned by someone who could accept me. Yet you threw them all away. Weirdo."  
Harry scrunched his face up in confusion,

"It all worked out though…so…maybe being weird isn't so bad." His aunt and uncle had always called him a freak. Strange how he'd always wanted to be normal, to be 'just Harry.' It seemed so peculiar how that had certainly not worked out as he'd planned. But being strange and thinking outside of the norm had made so many people happy that…somewhere along the way, he'd just accepted that.

Death mumbled something and Harry found himself wanting to know,

"Er, Mister Death?" he mentally hit himself, he had a weird feeling that there weren't a lot of people that called Death 'Mister.'

"Yes, master?"  
Harry blinked at the weird title,

"Um, well, how exactly did I die? Was it illness? I remember feeling kind of strange…"  
"Poison." Death said.

"Oh." Harry said, not overly surprised, he'd pissed off a few people in his life.

Death gave him another strange look,

"It was your wife, if you were curious."  
"Ginny?" this information actually did surprise him. Things had certainly been tense between them lately, but that was no reason to kill him, right?

"Why?" he asked weakly, he felt an overwhelming sadness at the thought that he'd been killed by someone he loved, and someone who was supposed to love him, "I just wanted to make her happy…"  
Death moved over to him, and Harry got the sense that he was trying to provide some sort of comfort, but was unused to actually trying to provide it.

Odd, Harry thought, one would think he would meet a lot of people broken up about their deaths.

"There there."  
Harry's lips twitched upwards,

"You…aren't all that good at this."  
Death shrugged uncomfortably,

"I only ferry the souls, I don't usually talk to them."

"Then why are you talking to me?" Harry asked him softly, wondering if this was yet another strange thing he ought to add to his mental list of 'strange things about his life.' Or did it even count now that he was dead? Harry mused before he noticed just how calm he was about the whole situation.

He'd been killed by his wife, and was now talking to Death like they were old friends.

"I'm talking to you, because you have achieved something very few mortals have ever attained." Death took in a breath, "Upon the completion of the three impossible tasks, and through judgement of your life deeds, you, Harry Potter have attained godhood."

Harry's mind went blank. The only intelligent thing he could think to say was,

"What?"

"Every god is judged before they claim their throne. I, as the one who designed the test, am to be your judge."

"There's no need for that." Harry shook his head, "I just want to see Sirius and Remus and…and my mother and father again. It's my time to go, right?" his voice had a hopeful edge to it.

But death shook his head,

"It is your time, to die as a mortal. As a god, you are allowed to visit them whenever you so desire. You will be my master, no matter what decision you make during your judgement."

Harry looked confused,

"So…I'll be a god…no matter what? Then what are you judging exactly?"

"Your name and domain." Death answered simply, "Thor governs lightning, Poseidon governs the ocean, those are their domains, and then, bellow that they have their minor domains."  
Harry stared at Death in utter bafflement. He was going to become a god…and the only thing he could think about was that Poseidon and Thor were from different pantheons…

"You shall make one wish." Death said simply, "And that wish will decide your domain. Forever and ever. For better or for worse. Choose wisely."

"A wish." Harry repeated, "One wish…" he trailed off. What could he wish for? Wishing for wealth was rather silly, he had no need for gold or any material thing. He was dead, after all. He'd lived to be twenty-one before he'd been murdered by Ginny. Should he seek vengeance? He shook his head. It seemed rather pointless. What about his children? Ginny was supposed to be pregnant.  
"She isn't pregnant." Death shook his head, "Or rather, she was, but she miscarried. Had you continued to live you would have had three children. Two boys and a girl."  
Harry felt a bit sad at that, and a bit happy. Sad that he'd never gotten to meet these children, and happy that they hadn't gotten raised by Ginny who, was obviously unstable.

His child was dead, Harry felt a horrible, empty pain run through his heart. Like he was hollow. It had never had a chance. He would never have had the chance to raise the kid, to…to have a family. He looked down at the ground with sorrow. He thought back to Teddy, at least he'd gotten to be there for a few years of his godson's life…and he'd have his grandmother…but Andromeda had been sick the last he checked, so then…what would happen to Teddy? Another boy orphaned by the war. Then there were the parents that had lost their own children, like Fred, or Lavender, or many of the other kids at Hogwarts.

He knew, in his heart that his wish was far too grand to grant. Even for a god.

Harry took a breath and thought about all those children and all about those parents, and then it came to him.

"I wish," Harry began slowly, "I wish, I could go back in time and do it all over again, so that those children that never had a chance, could spend a little more time with their family that they would otherwise never know. And those parents who had their children die young have a chance to see them graduate from Hogwarts someday or maybe even marry." He paused, "I know I can't save everyone. But if living through that hell again means that I can give even one orphan that chance…I'll take it, that chance. I can't believe they were all born just so they could be eaten by that demon…and never know happiness."

Harry couldn't see Death's expression, but he had the sense that his face was blank.

"You really are an interesting child." Death said after a long moment of silence, "You don't wish to 'save' a life?"

That hadn't been Harry's wording.

"No." Harry shook his head, "We all end up being taken by you eventually. I just want them to know happiness. The sort of happiness I never did."

"In that case," Death said, "I shall grant that wish…but you will not have to go through the three trials again. For all intent and purposes, the Deathly Hallows were only ever a legend."

"A legend…" Harry whispered.

Death seemed to ignore him though, as he continued,

"From this moment, onward, I name you Kino. The god of free will, human spirit, and time. I name you, minor god of orphans and familial love. Now then, my beloved master," Death said, "Let me give you some advice before you depart."

"Depart?" Harry, no, Kino whispered. Already he felt a strange…familiarity with the name, as though it were always his, as though he had never before been called Harry. As though his old name belonged to that of a stranger.

"A true and noble heart holds much power." Death said calmly, "Stronger than the hardest fist, and mightier than the most potent magic."

Kino opened his mouth to ask him what he meant, when suddenly he felt the pull of magic beneath the surface of his skin. It felt like he was being unraveled and reassembled all at once. It didn't hurt, but it wasn't particularly pleasant either.

"Good luck." Death's voice echoed as Kino felt himself vanishing from the world he had come to know.

He was so disoriented that he found himself falling foreword, faceplanting directly into the…table?

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore's voice called out and the other kids in the hall laughed.

Kino looked up, fixing his crooked glasses which had been sitting on his nose, only to realize…the world looked different. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see the world clearly, like he had no need at all for his lenses…which were simple, plain, glass. He was so caught up in this revelation that he barely heard Hermione whisper,

"Harry! What are you doing? Get up there!"  
"Um…right." Kino said, completely disoriented and confused, though he supposed it was for different reasons than from what others were assuming.

It took him a moment to identify Karkaroff and Madam Maxime. Harry blinked a few times. It couldn't be…the Triwizard tournament!?

Kino's mind raced as he stepped slowly around the table. That meant Sirius and Remus were still alive. Fred was alive. He looked over his shoulder to see two identical red-heads sitting a bit further down. Lavender Brown was still alive. Dobby was still alive…

The war hadn't started yet. Everything was okay…for now. Kino took a shaky breath. Power hummed beneath his skin. It was actually rather scary. He knew he could do things now. Things he could never do before…he didn't know how he knew, he simply did. If he wanted, he could destroy the entire planet. He resisted the urge to shudder at that. He was certainly not fond of such an absurd responsibility weighing on his shoulders.

Sirius had never had the chance to grow up, Kino recalled sadly. He'd come to understand the man a little better over the years of pondering on his godfather's fate. He'd been imprisoned for most of his adult life, and he'd never been allowed to mature or make his own choices. That irked him a little, though Kino figured that came with being a god of free will. Sirius hadn't been allowed to make decisions for himself after that, other than the choice to save him in the department of mysteries, and die for him, ending his suffering and imprisonment at Grimmauld once and for all.

Then there was Remus who had never had the opportunity to see his child grow, that pained him too, as he was a minor god of orphans and familial love.

Would he really keep being hurt by his domains like this? Kino stopped in front of the teachers. He would, he realized. But at the same time, he felt strength from them too. Strength and utter joy. There was no real way to describe it, really.

"Harry…" Dumbledore's voice broke through to him.

Kino hadn't even thought he was talking to him at first, becoming even more aware just how disassociated from his birthname he had become over the past few minutes…or years. Huh, time really was relative.

"Yes, headmaster?" Kino shook himself from the sudden shock his wish had caused.

Dumbledore noticed his bewilderment, but asked anyways, looking over his half-mooned glasses,

"I need you to answer honestly, Harry. Did you put your name in the goblet of fire?"  
Kino shook his head,

"No, sir." He said, "I did not."

"Did you ask any other student to do it for you?"

"No sir." Kino said again, "I didn't ask anyone." He felt something try to slip into his head. Legilimency? Kino wondered, then directed it towards his innocence, making his thought process as human as possible. And wasn't that strange? Thinking like something that wasn't human, but rather something that could perceive everything in time, in his domain, happening all at once. To hear a billion orphans crying out, to hear the love that all families feel for their children and parents and siblings, yet none of it being too much for him at all.

He knew his thoughts had probably appeared rather jumbled to the headmaster, but thankfully, Dumbledore appeared to simply pass it all off as the shock of winding up as the fourth champion.

"Please go wait in the hallway with the other champions, Harry." The headmaster told him gently, "We'll be right there."

"Um, alright." Kino decided he might as well go along with it, all the while knowing that the goblet would never be capable of taking his magic, as such contracts could only ever work on wizards…and Harry Potter was not his true name anymore.

The whole hall watched him as he walked down towards the doors then out of the room where the three champions were.

They all turned to him.

"Do they need us back?" Cedric asked.

Kino shook his head, but said nothing. He knew what their reactions would be, and it would make no difference whether he spoke or not in the grand scheme of things. He'd stay quiet and wait…wait until the moment was right.

Moments later, the three headmaster, Bagman and Crouch came in, looking furious. Barty Crouch Junior disguised as Alastor Moody came limping in after them.

"Zees ees madness, Albus! I want zees leettle boy disqualified!" Madam Maxime raged.

"Disqualified?" Cedric repeated, confused.

Dumbledore noticed that Kino must not have explained anything yet,

"I'm afraid we seem to have a fourth champion." He said gravely, "Mister Potter's name came out of the goblet of fire shortly after the three of you left."

"What!?" the protests broke out.

Kino closed his eyes, taking a slow breath through his nose,

"Why did you create magical contracts anyways?" His question gave them pause.

"Well…it's tradition…" Bagman trailed off.

"So is an absurdly high death toll." Kino said dryly, "Are you saying that if one of the three champions were injured and unable to compete that they'd lose their magic?"

They all paled at this, and Kino knew he had hit a touchy subject. Or they're just morons, he thought to himself.

"Well," Bagman blustered, "I mean…it's not that…the thing is…"  
"So they would, then." Kino summed up simply, "What is the contract? What qualifies as participation? Do I just have to show up and be there, or do I have to do everything within my power to win?"  
"I…" Bagman paused, and realized he had no idea.

Kino looked at Dumbledore, the headmaster's eyes were sparkling,

"You would make a remarkable lawyer, my boy." He commented, "I'm afraid that the contract stipulates that the competitors must do everything within their power to win."

"And does it matter that I did not willingly enter the contract?" Kino wanted to know, "If I were to change my name, or if I stopped thinking of myself as 'Harry Potter' would that nullify the agreement?"  
"You don't want to compete?" Cedric blinked in confusion.

"Of course not!" Kino frowned, "Why on earth would I want to compete in the Triwizard tournament against people that have a clear advantage over me in terms of magical knowledge and experience? Glory? Honour? Attention? I get far too much of that for my liking. Money? I have enough, and even if I didn't, anyone who knows me would know that I could care less about material gain." He looked back up at Dumbledore defiantly, "Well?"  
The headmaster raised an eyebrow at the strange behaviour, he'd never seen Harry act like this before…

"I'm afraid I don't know." He admitted, "It's possible, I suppose…But you must understand that it's never been done before."

Kino nodded, he knew that the contract didn't affect him, but they didn't know that,

"Alright…the contract says I have to compete to win, but not that I have to win, is that right?"  
The headmaster nodded.

"Then I'll compete to win." Kino nodded, "But I won't compete for the trophy."

Dumbledore gave him an odd look,

"I'm afraid you have me at a bit of a loss."

"Come up with a separate prize." Kino said, "It doesn't need to be worth anything. Like a stone or a stick of celery or something. If I make it to the end of each task alive, then that will be my 'win,' my reward. The other three can compete for the cup." He paused, "In the muggle world, before the main band plays, they'll sometimes have some unknown singer or lesser known band play first, like the soup or salad before the main course. It seems reasonable enough, if everyone agrees, to set something like that up. It doesn't explicitly say that I have to compete for the trophy, right?"

"That's very true." The headmaster agreed, eyes sparkling. He appeared to be rather fond of the idea, "Does anyone else have any protests?"

It seemed that no one did and Kino noted that no one seemed to believe that he had put his name in the goblet anymore. He'd count that as a win.

"Now that that's established," Crouch junior grunted, "Shouldn't we be figuring out who put the lad's name in the Goblet."

"It was him." Kino said bluntly, pointing at 'Moody' who looked surprised, but quickly hid it. Dumbledore gave Kino an odd look,

"And why do you think that, Harry?"  
Kino gave him a strange look,

"I thought that was obvious. Every Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor has tried to kill me, every year since I got here. I don't see why it should be any different now. First year the teacher was possessed and tried to strangle me to death. Second year Lockheart tried to obliviate me and throw me into the Chamber of Secrets with a Basilisk, third year…well, it wasn't really Professor Lupin's fault, he just…forgot to take his wolfsbane potion."

Maxime and Karkaroff looked horrified at this.

"I'm just saying," Kino rolled his eyes, "Once is an accident, twice is coincidence, and thrice is a pattern."

"I'd say ee vas paranoid, but dat iz suspicious." Karkaroff agreed.

"Harry," Dumbledore said gently, "Alastor is one of the most revered aurors…"  
"And it's impossible for him to be compromised?" Kino raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Well, whatever. When I'm proved right, I swear I will laugh in your face…you know, if I come out of this alive."

Crouch junior disguised as Moody barked with laughter, causing them all to jump,

"I like you, kid." He said, looking at Kino, a mad gleam in his eye, "I know some trainee aurors who could take a lesson from you. Constant vigilance!" he shouted, causing them all to jump.

In the end, Kino thought, almost anyone could impersonate Mad-Eye by pretending to be super paranoid and shouting 'Constant Vigilance' every now and then.

As things wound down, they all went back into the great hall.

Kino let out a heavy sigh as he sat down between Hermione and Ron.

"So," Ron began, "How'd you do it?"  
Kino frowned, then looked at him, he'd nearly forgotten about Ron's not believing him about not putting his name in the goblet.

"I didn't." He said bluntly, "And I won't be participating, well, I will, but I convinced them to have be compete separately. I have no shot at getting the cup, but if I survive this, I was promised a box of cream puffs."

"Cream puffs?" Hermione raised an eyebrow at that.

"I like cream puffs." Kino shrugged, "But this isn't my thing, it's theirs. The contract says I only have to compete to win, it never said what I had to compete for, or what it was I won. I originally told them they could offer me a rock or celery as a prize…but then I figured, if I'm risking my life, I might as well be getting something this time."

The whole bit of reasoning was so out of character for him at that age that Hermione and Ron couldn't help but look at him oddly.

"Er, are you alright, mate?" Ron asked him slowly.

"I just found out that I was signed up for a death tournament and that someone's trying to kill me again. I'm walking on bloody angel dust. And you," He looked at Ron with an angry frown, "I thought you knew me well enough to know I don't put my life in danger for stupid reasons. Hell, if I could, I wouldn't risk my life at all." He took a breath and got up from his seat, "I need some air, just…leave alone for a bit, alright?"  
He wasn't all that hungry anyway. Gods didn't necessarily need to eat, and he thought that perhaps it was time to contact Death. He had some questions and he needed answers.

Blowing up at Ron seemed like a good excuse to get away.

As he walked along, he completely vanished, flickering into existence on the roof of the Ravenclaw tower. He let out a breath, looking up into the sky and laying back down on the roof. There was something relaxing about looking up at the clouds…

"You summoned me, Master?" Death was sitting down beside him. Kino didn't have to look over, knowing exactly where he was.

"The horcruxes…the one in my scar is gone, right?" Kino asked him hoping it was.

"It was destroyed by your mere presence." Death confirmed.

"I wasn't sure." Kino admitted, "Why…why do you call me 'master'?"

"Because you are my master. I fall under your domain and command."  
"Until you take me in the end." Kino smiled slightly at this, "Can't we just be friends instead?"  
"Friends?" Death repeated, finding the word to be rather peculiar.

Kino felt a mischievous smile make its way onto his lips,

"You know, I've never really been one for pranks…but do you want to have a bit of fun?"

Had death had an eyebrow to lift, or a face to reveal any sort of expression, his features might have been twisted into something akin to intrigue.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm pretty sure you understand, right? This is just Harry/Kino being a troll and messing everyone up.**

**Death is totally chill with the idea of going along with all this. Harry is his master, after all and…really, what's supposed to do with never ending existence?**

**I do not own Harry Potter**

Kino had a cell phone in his right hand pressed up against his ear. He laughed suddenly, causing some of the boys in the dorm to look over at him.

"Harry, mate," Seamus finally decided to speak up, "you do know electronics don't work at Hogwarts, right?"

"Hm? Hold on." Kino said pulling the phone away from his ear to reveal a glowing screen, both Dean and Seamus looked at the thing in confusion, "Did you say something?"

"Er, how is that thing working? It's a cell phone, right?"  
"Yes, it certainly is." Kino agreed, "Can we do this later? I'm trying to make a very important deal."

"Mate?" Ron looked over at him in confusion, "Is that a fane?"

"It's a phone." Kino corrected, "And like I said, this is a very important call, can you hold on a minute? Sorry." He put the phone back to his ear, "Yeah, I can do tomorrow…I most certainly will not! Well…no…no, I suppose that works." He let out a resigned sigh, "Yeah, I know you're busy, souls to collect and whatnot…Ugh! Seriously!? Fine." He huffed, "Tomorrow, then…I don't know…how about poker? Stakes? How about my soul? Aw, come on, I know you've been wanting to get your hands on me for a while now..." Kino smirked, "Deal. Tomorrow at seven. See you then~" he sang cheerfully, then closed the flip-phone and looked up at them, "Something you need?"  
"What was that all about?" Dean wondered puzzledly.

Kino shrugged,

"Deal with Death. We met a few times and…I guess we just hit it off. Anyways, I'm going to have a shower." Kino decided, gathering his things and walking off to the bathroom, leaving the Gryffindor boys alone.

"What?" Seamus wondered, both him and Dean turned to look at Ron who looked just as lost.

"Don't look at me." The red head said defensively, "I have no bloody idea what he's talking about."

The next day, Hermione started bombarding Kino with questions in regards to what he planned on doing during the tournament.

"Don't worry, 'Mione." Kino said cheerfully, "I have a really good strategy…I think."  
Hermione gave him an odd look, and Ron decided to ask,

"Does this have something to do with that phone call you made last night?"  
"Phone call?" Hermione repeated, "Electronics don't work at Hogwarts, Ron."  
Kino sent Ron a smirk,

"You won't be able to prove anything."

Ron frowned, and Hermione raised an eyebrow,

"What's that supposed to mean, Harry?"

Kino's lips twitched in amusement,

"Well, everyone _knows_ that electronics don't work at Hogwarts, so there's no possible way I could have used a phone last night, and no one will ever be able to prove it."  
"I could just get the phone." Ron argued.

Kino paused, then opened his mouth to protest when a sudden ringing caught all their attention. Hermione's eyes bulged slightly when Kino took out what was most definitely a cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open,

"Hello?"

"That is not possible!" Hermione denied.

Kino raised a finger to signal she ought to be quiet,

"Yeah, not really a good time…alright, alright, no need to be like that, I get it…Ugh! You want Lady Luck to play too? That's not fair at all! You know we'd all lose if she joined…Well, she's Lady Luck! No, no, if she's playing then the deal's off…what do you mean by that?" Kino smirked, "Fine, but I'm inviting Cupid if you're inviting Luck…Good." He said satisfied, "See you tonight." He hung up the phone.

"Mister Potter?" he looked up to see McGonagall standing in front of him.

"Hi." He said.

She gave a nod, but there was an odd look on her face,

"What was that you were using just now? A muggle device?"

"A cell phone." Kino agreed, "It was a gift."

"How is it working here, Mister Potter?" she wanted to know.

"How? No clue." Kino shrugged.

It was clear McGonagall was pondering on whether she ought to confiscate the device or not. After a long while, it seems she decided against it. Though she certainly was curious…

"That's not possible…" Hermione murmured.

"I'm sure that when you were ten you were certain Dragons didn't exist, or that wizards didn't exist." Kino added in, "And now you're saying that cell phones can't function at Hogwarts?" his lips twitched as Hermione realized just how silly that sounded, "I wonder, Hermione, is anything 'impossible'?"

Classes that day were much as Kino remembered them to be, boring and tedious, though perhaps even more so now that he was an all-knowing god.

Every spell and every bit of knowledge just seemed…so easy. And why did he take divination again? He was a god of Free Will so that was a little strange. Irony, Kino thought to himself.

When he saw the future, he didn't see anything linear. What he saw was potential and possibility. Because he was time, he knew that time wasn't linear. Because he was Free Will, he believed in a person's ability to choose. He never could turn something like that off, and he had no real need for the methods spoken of in Divination class. But he did rather well at giving half-assed predictions.

The teacher especially enjoyed it when he predicted his own death.

After his classes, however, he spotted a girl who was knocked to the ground, books scattered about. He recognised her immediately and went to help her.

"Hey there, need a hand?" Kino started picking up her books, then handed them back to her.

The girl was grateful, carefully moving a strand of stringy blond hair from her face.

"Oh, I've already got two." She said, grey eyes looking surprised, "But thank you very much for your offer."

Kino chuckled at this. He wasn't supposed to meet Luna Lovegood until his fifth year, after all. But he did rather miss her.

"You're Harry Potter." The girl realized.

"Yes, I am." He agreed, "And you're Luna Lovegood. I don't believe we've met…usually we're supposed to introduce ourselves, but I suppose introducing each other works just as well. Nice to meet you, Luna."

"It's nice to meet you too, Harry." She agreed.

"Do you want me to help you?" he asked her, "You've quite a few books here." He noted, and they were all on magical creatures.

"You'd help me?" She wondered.

"Of course." He agreed, "You're interested in magical creatures?" he asked her conversationally. He knew it was certainly a good place to start.

Luna beamed at him,

"Yes. I really do hope to become a magizoologist in the future. I want to discover the crumple-horned snorkack."

Kino hummed at this,

"What's it look like?"

So, Luna went into her explanation on what a crumple-horned snorkack was, which then turned into a conversation about Nargles and soon veered off into wrackspurts territory before they reached the top of Ravenclaw tower.

"What belongs to you, but others use it more than you do?" The brass knocker on the door asked them.

"Oh, I know! My name." Kino answered.

"Correct." The knocker said and the door opened.

Kino looked at the door critically,

"Not very secure, is it?" he looked at Luna, "Or maybe I just have more Ravenclaw in me than I thought." He joked.

Luna laughed a bit at this,

"Maybe." She said thoughtfully.

He handed Luna her books,

"I can't enter the girl's dorms." Kino said, "So I'm afraid you'll have to take these from here…Oh! I just realized, I'm late!"

"Late?" Luna wondered.

"Well, not late yet." Kino relented, "But I promised I'd play poker with a friend of mine…do you want to join? I get the sense you aren't one to gamble, but I get the feeling you'll find my friend to be quite funny…well, maybe not funny, but he makes for a pretty interesting conversationalist."

Luna lit up and Kino wondered why he hadn't been so nice to her before. She deserved friends that were nice to her…

"I'd love to! Just let me put away my books, it will only take a minute." She agreed, scuttling off to her dorm.

Kino waited patiently for her to return. About three minutes later, she came out, a few Ravenclaws looked at Kino strangely, wondering what on earth he was doing in their common room, when Luna came out.

"All done." She said, "Let's go."

"Let's." Kino agreed and the two walked quickly out of the Ravenclaw tower, leaving a few people to ponder at the peculiar friendship that appeared to have been struck between Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood.

"I'm all in." Death said seriously as he pushed his chips further.

"Are you sure?" Kino asked him, not at all breaking his poker face.

"I'm all in too." Luna agreed, she had been winning that night, while Kino wasn't far behind.

The common room was opened and some of the Gryffindor students were returning from supper. They paused at the scene they saw awaiting them in the common room area. Death was sitting on the ground, all of them could make out the skeletal face and bone beneath the cloak, and Harry Potter appeared to be playing poker with him, along with Luna Lovegood.

The three of them turned over their cards and Kino smirked,

"It's my win. You don't get to have me for at least another month!"  
Death let out a groan, his haunting voice echoing through the halls,

"You two are going to make me go soulrupt!"

Kino had to fight to keep from cracking, the look on all their faces though!

"H-Harry?" Hermione squeaked, causing Kino to turn around. Luna looked up too, and Death looked at her with his empty eye sockets.

"Uh…" Ron swallowed hard, "W-who's your friend there, mate?"

"Hm?" Kino tilted his head to the side, "Oh, this is Luna Lovegood. She's in Ravenclaw, a year bellow us."

"I-I think Ron was referring to the guy in the cloak." Hermione did not believe in gods, Kino could sense that. In fact, most people here didn't, and those that did, certainly did not believe the figure sitting in front of them was _the_ Death.

"Oh, right!" Kino said, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him until then, "This is Death. Death, this is Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley."

Death made a sound, quite similar to wind rushing through a cave. It sent shivers down all their spines, accept for Luna and Kino who remained strangely unaffected.

"We crossed paths a few times." Death commented. He then got up, "I'm afraid I must tend to my duties." He gave a nod to Kino, then to Luna.

"Oh, goodbye, Mister Death, I hope to play you again." Luna said in a somewhat distant, even dreamy voice.

"See ya, Death." Kino shot him a grin, knowing Death had enjoyed freaking them all out. He could feel the amusement pouring off of him.

"Same time next week?" the figure asked Kino.

"Sounds like a plan." Kino agreed, waving him off so that he continue with his duty of ferrying souls.

No one said anything for a while, though Luna looked thoughtful,

"Might I join the two of you again as well? That was quite a lot of fun."  
"You're always welcome." Kino agreed, not at all doubting Luna believed him when he had told her they'd be playing poker with Death. She probably wasn't even questioning the experience, Kino mused. He was going to have so much fun this year.


	3. Chapter 3

**We need more Sirius Black chaos. Because everyone knows that if you add some Sirius Black chaos to some Luna Lovegood weirdness and mix it around with some Harry Potter randomness you get…**

**I do not own Harry Potter**

The next day in potions they were working on antidotes when the door was open to reveal a breathless Colin Creevey who walked up to the potion master's desk.

"Yes?" Snape snipped curtly.

"Sir, they want me to take Harry Potter upstairs." Colin said.

"They can wait until the end of the lesson." Snape dismissed.

"Sir, they said he was to go now." Collin persisted.

"Very well," Snape gave up after a moment's thought, "Potter, when you get back, we will test your potion."

"He's supposed to take his things with him." Colin interrupted again, much to the potion master's displeasure.

"Very well, get out of my sight."

After five minutes, Colin had led Kino down to the room the ceremony would be taking place. Kino entered to see Cedric, Victor, Fleur, a photographer, a reporter, Bagman, Ollivander, and the heads of the schools.

Kino was wary about showing the Elder Wand to Ollivander, but the fact was, his phoenix core wand didn't work for him anymore. Or rather, it could, but it didn't work nearly as well, and that would be a dead giveaway.

Then again this could well be an opportunity to get Ollivander to join their poker games. They could meet up on Hogsmeade weekends, that would certainly be entertaining. Two mortals and two gods walk into a bar…he wasn't quite sure how to end that joke.

"Mademoiselle Delacour, if you would step forward first please." The wandmaker instructed.

She swept over to him gracefully and handed him her wand.

"Hmm…nine and a half inches…inflexible rosewood and contains…dear me! The hair off the head of a veela."

"Yes, it wuz my grandmuzzer's." Fleur agreed.

"Very well, Orchideous!" a flower appeared from the tip of the wand, then he handed both the flower and the wand back to Fleur, "Mister Diggory, you next, please."

Cedric stepped forwards and handed over his wand,

"It's in fine condition." Ollivander observed, impressed by the state it was in.

"I polished it last night, sir." Cedric said proudly.

"I remember this wand very well." Ollivander agreed wistfully, "It contains a tail hair from a particularly fine male unicorn. Made out of springy ash. All in fine working condition." Ollivander gave it a wave and made smoke rings fly across the room, "Mister Krum next, if you please."

Krum walked over and handed him his wand.

"A Gregorovitch creation, if I'm not mistaken." Ollivander observed, "Ten and a half inches, quite rigid, made of hornbeam and dragon heartstring. Avis!" Ollivander exclaimed suddenly, causing something like a 'bang' to be heard as a bunch of birds shot out of the tip of the wand. Giving a nod, Ollivander handed it back to Krum, then turned to Kino.

"Mister Potter, it's your turn, I believe."  
Kino gave a nod, but paused,  
"I got this wand from an old friend of mine, it's not the one I got from your shop. I'm afraid that one doesn't work for me anymore for some reason. I'm sorry if you feel disappointed."  
Ollivander blinked,

"It doesn't work for you anymore? How curious…Very well, let me have a look." He took the wand in his hands and examined it. He frowned momentarily, then his face went deathly white. Dumbledore's face immediately twisted in concern,

"Are you alright, Garrick?"

Ollivander said nothing for the longest time, and Kino realized they were drawing attention. Unnoticed by those in the room, seeing as all their attention was focused on Ollivander, his green eyes began to glow. Ollivander spoke,

"I'm fine. It's just…the craftsmanship! Where did you get this wand, Mister Potter? If I might so inquire, I don't recognise the work…it seems rather taken with you. Odd, considering the materials…" Ollivander blinked, realizing it hadn't really been him speaking, but rather something else using his mouth.

"I…er, well anyone in Gryffindor could tell you that Luna and I like to play poker every now and then. Not for money or anything. One of my friends there offered to make me a wand and that's the one he made me."

"I…see…" Ollivander looked at the wand with awe.

Kino couldn't help but smile a bit in amusement,

"You could join us if you'd like."

That caused the old wandmaker's head to snap up at him suddenly.

"This Hogsmeade weekend, this weekend, actually, Luna and I were going to meet up with our group at the Cat's Eye Café." Kino said easily, "You could come if you want. You know how to play poker?"

"Perhaps we should move on?" Bagman interrupted.

"Yes…yes, of course," Ollivander agreed, "I would very much like to meet up then. Let's test this then, shall we?" with a wave of Kino's wand a fountain of wine came out from the end.

"Beautiful." Ollivander murmured, "Simply beautiful." He handed the wand back to Kino who took it gracefully and noted that the suspicion that had momentarily been cast on him was now gone.

"Gambling, Harry?" The headmaster raised an eyebrow.

Kino offered him a sheepish shrug,

"Not for money." He defended again.

There were a couple of amused looks from the other champions aimed at him as he smiled innocently. Somehow his poker prank had turned into a thing. Who'd have thought it?

The weekend came and Kino was left trying to remember what he'd done next all those years ago, the first time around. He sat on his bed, cross-legged with his eyes scrunched closed.

"Harry?" Ron's voice broke him from his trance and nearly caused him to jump.

"Geeze, you scared me half to death! And he doesn't want to see my face until tomorrow at four!" Kino recalled.

Ron gave him a doubtful look. He and Hermione had been trying to drag out of Kino who the being in the black cloak 'really was.' But Kino had so far, only shot them confused looks and said,

"I already introduced you guys, he's Death, remember?" And that had been the end of the discussion.

Fred and George thought it had been absolutely hilarious and had given him props for a prank well done. Kino had given them both a grin in turn. It might have even been one worthy of the Marauders…Marauders…Kino's eyes went wide,

"That's what I forgot!" he suddenly exclaimed.

He had written to Sirius the first time around by now to update him on what was going on.

_Dear Snuffles,_

_Someone's trying to kill me again. I know that's not really all that surprising, considering my last three years. I actually think I know who's doing it this time, but I don't have any proof and no one seems to care so…I'll just role with it, I guess._

_I made a new friend. She's in Ravenclaw and she's quite interesting to be around. She has a very unique perspective on certain things. Her name's Luna and we're going to Hogsmeade together tomorrow to meet up with Mister Ollivander and Death for a poker tournament. Feel free to swing by at around four tomorrow at the Cat's Eye Café. As you can probably see, I sent you a potion of sorts that should help you conceal your identity. Once you drink it, no one will know it's you. The only downside is that you have to drink the antidote in order to reverse the effects. It's my own unique invention and it took forever to create so you'd better be grateful. The silver vial is the stuff you want to drink to disguise yourself, and the dark blue one is the antidote. Don't drink all of it at once, it's pretty powerful. Just one sip is all you need of each._

_Have fun._

_Your godson,_

_Harry._

Sirius gave the note an odd look as he sat beside a tree in the middle of nowhere. He opened up the box containing the two vials of potion. Well, he thought to himself. It certainly wouldn't hurt to try, right?  
He uncorked the silver vial and took a sip. He was surprised at the taste. It wasn't horrible like most potions he'd taken in the past. This one tasted a bit like grapefruit candy or something along those lines.

He gave a bit of a shudder. His eyes felt itchy and his nose twitched. He closed his eyes, then let out a sneeze.

When he opened his eyes again, he noticed that his skin was far more than. Not an unhealthy pale as it had been before.

He opened up his bag and fished out a mirror, an enchanted one, though it could still do the job of an ordinary one. The man in the mirror did not look like him. His eyes had changed color to a deep, chocolaty brown and his hair had turned blond, giving him a sort of surfer look about him.

He'd have to test out exactly how long it lasted, though Harry had written that it would last until he took the antidote, he wanted to make sure.

He looked back down at the letter oddly,

"Did he say he was playing poker with Death?" he wondered out loud, thinking that maybe his godson had lost his mind.

No one answered him.

Poseidon had, in legends, been the one to create horses. Due to this accomplishment, he was thus named as the god of horses.

Kino had decided, after a read of _the Quibbler_, and having talked to Luna Lovegood about crumble-horned snorkack, that he would create one.

So then, because he had created a snorkack, did that make him the god of crumple-horned snorkacks? It was something he'd pondered on when he released a heard of them into Hogwarts school during the feast that evening.

Several of them poured into the great hall, causing Luna to gasp out with astonishment,

"Crumple-horned snorkacks!" she exclaimed, "Daddy was right, they do exist!"  
When several approached Kino and lowered their heads, he realized that his ponderings really did have merit.

"Are they bowing to you?" Hermione sputtered, now seeing proof that Luna's ramblings might have actually had some sort of truth behind them.

"Well, I never claimed that I _wasn't_ the god of crumple-horned snorkacks." Kino shrugged his shoulders, as though the whole thing made complete sense and nothing about this situation was unusual at all.

"You're the god of crumple-horned snorkacks?" Luna looked at Kino wide-eyed, and she most certainly believed him too, of that Kino was certain.

"Why else do you think they're here?" Kino grinned and Hermione shot him a disapproving look.

"Luna, he's lying, he's not the god of crumple-horned snorkacks."

Kino couldn't help his lips twitch upwards,

"I never claimed I was a god." Kino said smoothly, "However, if your mind isn't flexible enough to even ponder on the existence of gods, then you'll never be able to figure out the truth. I'm quite certain that Luna already has it all figured out. He looked at the blond-haired girl who was still looking at him wide-eyed, as though all the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place.

"Free will." She spoke, "That's it, isn't it?"

Kino put a finger to his lips,

"Shh, that's a secret, Luna."

"They'll never figure it out." Luna said, looking over at Hermione, "You've already told them, after all."  
Kino smiled,

"I did, didn't I?"

"What?" Hermione asked frustrated, wondering what exactly the two of them were hiding.

Ron looked pretty lost himself,

"Free will? You mean like the book?"

That caught Hermione's attention,

"Book?"

Ron rolled his eyes,

"Figured that was the word you picked up on. It's in the book, _Tales of Beedle the Bard_." Ron said, "They're fictional, you know, everyone knows them."  
"Well, not me." Hermione frowned.

"Well, you know," Ron squirmed uncomfortably, "They're something people read to their kids. One of the stories in the book is called _the Three Trials of Kino_."

Kino listened curiously, he'd heard the story before a few times, or he from the him in the past who would hear them in his future…being a god of time was weird. Nothing was linear anymore. But, this wasn't a story that had existed in the previous timeline, it seemed to have replaced

"And what does that have to do with Harry?" Hermione asked impatiently.

"I'm getting there." Ron said defensively, "In the story, the gods are all afraid of death after he takes one of their lives. They realize that even they can't escape him, so he must be the most powerful god. So, the gods began a rebellion to destroy Death. Instead, Death showed them a world where nothing died, and they all realized that no one would be able to survive in a world like that, where the grass could never die, or none of the animals could die, where no one could ever eat or anything." Ron shrugged, "So, Death came up with a solution, he designed three items, the Elder Wand, the Invisibility cloak, and the Resurrection Stone. Death has three aspects to it, and each item was an embodiment of Death's three aspects. Death said that if a person could master all three artifacts that that person would become his master. All the gods scrambled to try to master each item, but were unable to. Then, they decided that if none of them could master the artifacts, that they ought to see if maybe a hero of earth could. So, Death's artifacts were sent to earth.

They landed in the possession of three brothers first. The wand was passed through the generations by the killing of one man to the next. The resurrection stone was shared with friends, then stolen through envy. And the cloak was inherited through a single-family line, when one day, it fell into the hands of a young boy, an orphan and the last of his family line. They never say his name in the story." Ron shrugged his shoulders, "But before the boy was born there was a prophecy made about his one day defeating a wizard who had split his soul in order to fly from death. The dark wizard lives in the shadows for years, then resurfaces when the boy is older and has had time to learn magic from two wise wizards. One of these wise wizards discovers the resurrection stone and tries to use it to see his departed sister, only for the object to kill him, but he passes it to the boy, believing that he will be able to uncover its secrets. The other wise teacher is murdered by the dark wizard, and when the boy finally defeats his enemy in a dual, he gains the very last artifact and earns the title of Death's master." Ron finished the story hesitantly, "The gods then honour him with a name, Kino. The god of Free Will. You know, since he was tied down by a prophecy that killed all the ones he loved, he wanted to make sure that people could make their own decisions. It's said that the moment he became a god was the moment everything started, that he created the past and present and future. So, he's sort of…timeless. People have just referred to him as 'Free Will' though."

Luna gave a nod,

"God of Free Will, Time, and Human Spirit."

Hermione hesitated, realizing the peculiar parallels between Kino and 'Harry Potter.' Gods didn't exist, of that she was certain. She looked at Kino with a frown on her face,

"You aren't seriously trying to get people to believe you are a god, are you?"

Kino's lips twitched,

"I'm not trying to claim anything of the sort. I was raised in the non-magical world, remember? I grew up with tales of Sleeping Beauty and Little Red Ridding Hood. I don't think I've ever heard the Story of Free Will before today."

Hermione's lips thinned, realizing this was quite true and that it could all just be a coincidence. The only problem was, Harry, in her mind, had been acting so peculiar as of late. Harry had never been one for pranks, so the sudden change was rather bizarre.

She eyed him suspiciously before looking down at a Snorkack that was nuzzling up against her leg. Where on earth did Harry manage to find a heard of crumple-horned snorkacks anyways?

The other schools and the authorities sitting over at the teachers' table were baffled just trying to figure out how they had gotten into the school at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Yeah, this is so not the beginning of a bad joke.**

**I do not own Harry Potter.**

The next day, Kino and Luna made their way down to Hogsmeade together and entered the Cat's Eye Café just a little bit before four.

"Looks like we're early." Kino noted, looking around but not spotting Death or Mister Ollivander.

"So, it seems." Luna agreed, "Is Stubby Boardman going to be here too?"

"Don't know." Kino shrugged, "I sent him an invite though. You never can tell with old Stubby."

Stubby Boardman was Luna's way of saying 'Sirius Black.' She certainly had believed Kino when he'd said Sirius Black was innocent, only she had been relatively certain that he was actually the retired singer, Stubby Boardman. When Kino had denied this part and told her the actual story, she nodded along and agreed that that made some sense, but they continued using the name as a sort of codename so as not to draw suspicion.

Kino ordered a coke, as this was one of the few places in the wizarding world where one could get non-magical drinks and Luna, deciding to be a bit adventurous, ordered the same thing, along with a bizarre desert that Kino had never seen before. It looked a bit like French toast sticks covered in cream. It was a good sharing thing.

At exactly four o'clock, a clocked figure materialized beside Kino, causing the waitress to drop a plate and stair at the group with an open mouth.

It was during this time she was staring that the door opened up and a man with brown eyes, blond hair and tan skin entered the café. He froze when he saw Death, jaw dropping open slightly.

"Stubby! Over here!" Kino waved, calling him over.

Sirius approached them,

"Hey, Harry…" he didn't take his eyes off of Death, "Who's your friend?"

"Oh right," Kino said, trying to hide his amusement, "This is Luna Lovegood." He introduced the blond who waved at Sirius.

"It's nice to meet you, Mister Boardman."  
"Uh huh…you too." Sirius added on hesitantly, "I meant the guy in the cloak, but…"  
"Oh, that's Death." Kino introduced, "Death, this is my godfather, Sirius Black, but we're calling him Stubby Boardman, because he's an escaped convict."

"Nice to meet you." Death said, his voice like a cold echo that sent chills down Sirius's spin.

"Uh, n-nice to meet you too." Sirius sputtered, then looked at Kino, rather terrified, "Okay, jokes over, you got me. Who is he, really?"

Kino gave him a confused look, though it was Luna who answered for him,

"He's Death. Harry just introduced him, remember?" she looked at him rather concerned, like _he_ was the crazy one.

"Uh…" Sirius was frozen, not quite sure what he ought to do in this situation.

"Sit down, Sirius."  
"Not so loud!" Sirius hissed, looking around to see if anyone had heard them, only for him to realize…no one was moving. They were all frozen.

"Don't worry." Kino said, "They can't hear us right now."

"What…the…hell?" Sirius wondered, looking around.

"This might be a bit too much for him." Luna told Kino gently.

"Alright, alright." Kino rolled his eyes, "I kind of just wanted to see his reaction."  
"Harry, what's going on?" Sirius asked his godson, approaching one of the frozen people and waving a hand in front of her face. He got no reaction.

"I stopped time." Kino answered, "I was worried you might give yourself away. Shocked people do all sorts of silly things, and I can't stop them from doing stupid things since that would go against everything I stand for."

Sirius looked at him blankly, and Kino wondered if he'd put the pieces together or not. Nearly a minute passed before Kino was starting to grow concerned.

"I think you might have broken him." Luna offered.

"Aw, crap!" Kino said, "My dad will never forgive me if I broke my godfather…Luna, what do I do?"

Luna looked pensive,

"Draw on his face?" she suggested.

Kino looked thoughtful, then finally nodded,

"Yes…that does seem like the logical course, doesn't it?" A black marker materialized in his hand and he got up, uncapping it before Sirius finally said,

"There's no need for that!"  
Kino let out a disappointed sigh and sat back down, the marker disappearing from his hand,

"Looks like he fixed himself…"

"Looks like it." Luna agreed.

"Harry," Sirius interrupted, causing the group to go silent, "Are you…how are you…are you…"

"His mind hasn't quite rebooted yet." Kino commented.

"Give him a moment." Luna suggested, "These things take time."  
Sirius was starting to look frustrated,

"Are you some sort of god?"

Kino blinked,

"Yes."  
Sirius blanched, looking around and rather hoping that someone would start speaking and say, "Just kidding!" but that didn't happen, and it was starting to look more unlikely by the second.

Sirius fell into a chair next to Luna, staring at Kino disbelievingly,

"How?"

"How?" Kino repeated, "Didn't anyone in your family ever read you the _Tales of Beedle the Bard _when you were little?"

Sirius opened his mouth, then closed it,

"There's no way. You can't actually be Kino." He shook his head, "There's no bloody way." He then looked up at Death, then back over at Kino and figured he must be crazy to even be considering it.

"You're Kino?" he asked weakly.

Kino gave him a smile, green eyes glowing in an otherworldly manner,

"Yes."

Sirius stared at him blankly as his eyes returned to a normal color.

"My story takes place in a time that never happened." Kino said lightly, "Before I was born, a prophecy was made that predicted the birth of a boy who would one day defeat Voldemort. Me."  
Sirius nodded, he'd read that part in the story. How had he not seen that before?

"The invisibility cloak was something passed down through the Potter family line, I inherited it when I turned eleven. During the war, Gellert Grindelwald possessed the Elder Wand until Dumbledore defeated him and gained the wand's allegiance, never telling a soul that he had it. The resurrection stone, the last owner was Voldemort's mother, Merope Gaunt, but Voldemort never owned it."

Sirius paused,

"So, the teacher in the story that took the stone…"  
"Was Dumbledore." Kino nodded, "He took the stone in hopes of seeing his sister, Ariana. But there was a curse on it that caused him to die. There was another inaccuracy in the story. Snape was supposed to have the wand, but it was actually Draco Malfoy that took it. I disarmed him and became the owner quite accidentally. I then found out that my scar was a horcrux, a fragment of Voldemort's soul sealed inside me, so he couldn't die unless I did. I used the stone to resurrect you, Remus, my mother and father in order to give me the courage to accept my death."

"Wait, me? I was dead?" Sirius looked startled.

Kino gave a nod,  
"You died saving my life, if it helps any. Bellatrix murdered you."

"Oh." Sirius said weakly, not sure how he felt about that.

"Remus left behind a son." Kino added in helpfully.

"What!?"

"Teddy Lupin. He made me godfather." Kino offered, "He married Nymphadora Tonks, your cousin…or he will marry…or maybe he won't. I hope he does."

Sirius thought on this, rather liking the idea that Remus ended up marrying his cousin. It practically made him family, after all.

"And then, Voldemort cast the killing curse on me. I died temporarily but came back, the horcrux was removed from my scar, and I fought him and won. He died, life went on. I married Ginny Weasley who murdered me when I was twenty-one. That's when Death came to me, said I was his master and that I had passed his tests. He also said that in order to test out what sort of god I was, he would grant me one wish, that wish would then decide it all."

"What did you wish for?" Sirius asked him, a little worried and confused over the fact that he had been murdered.

"I wished to go back in time and give the children and parents at Hogwarts during the final battle and before that, the chance to have a family, or the chance to make a choice that was different from before." Kino explained, "My whole life had been plotted out by fate…and I left my godson, Teddy with his sick grandmother. I know everyone and everything dies eventually, but seeing children being unable to share those happy memories with their parents, or those parents unable to see their children grow…I just wanted to make the world a little bit better."  
"Which is why you're the god of orphans and familial love." Sirius summarized as the pieces of the puzzle all started to fall into place.

"Yup." Kino chirped happily, "It's also the reason why I don't plan on defeating Voldemort."  
Sirius looked horrified,

"You don't plan on…why?"  
Kino smiled,

"Voldemort is not a monster, well, not a literal one anyways. He's human. I could definitely destroy him and all his horcruxes right here and now." Kino crossed his arms over his chest, "But I won't and do you want to know why?"

"Why?" Sirius frowned, it made no sense to him at all.

"Because I'm the god of Free Will." Kino answered, "I can't _make_ a person do anything. I can influence them, plant an idea in their head, give them another choice. But I can't make a person make that choice. I won't kill Voldemort because this is a human problem, and it should be a human that kills him. I want someone other than me to kill him, to show people that not everything is determined by fate, that you and they have a choice." Kino looked his godfather in the eye, "Voldemort is only part of the problem. All things in this world have a right to live. There is no 'superior' or 'inferior.' Everything and everyone has the right to experience life, and one day, all of those things will be taken by Death. There is no way or means of measuring 'superiority.' Not by blood or breeding, not by brains or strength. We all have a right to live and we all have a right to die. That is why it has to be a human that kills him, or no one wizard in Britain will learn."

Kino raised a hand and snapped his fingers. Time restarted and the four of them were left at the table as Kino shuffled cards,

"You wanna play a round of rich man pour man while we wait for Ollivander?"

"Ha?" Sirius was still trying to process that his godson was a god that he barely noticed as he was passed a bunch of cards.

"So…" Sirius trailed off, "You-know-who has you-know-what's. And you aren't going to…"  
"Why don't you do it?" Kino asked him.  
Sirius was taken aback,

"Me?"  
"Why should I have to do anything?" Kino asked Sirius amusedly, "When I was human everything was put on my shoulders. I was a kid. A child. Do you not see anything wrong with that?"

Sirius swallowed and gave a nod. He saw plenty wrong with that, but he'd never actually been told it outright before like that.

"The thing is," Kino said calmly, "When a person decides that something's going to happen, it probably will. If a person decides that nothing has been decided, then nothing has been decided. That's me fighting against fate. We've been at each other's throats for a very, very long time, Sirius, me and fate. Fate is what's determined, but Free Will is what you determine." Kino looked at Sirius pointedly, "In other words, if you were to decide that you would be the one to defeat Voldemort, then you likely will be."

"Me?" Sirius's eyes went wide.

"It's a possibility." Kino said lightly, "There is a possible future where you defeat him. There's one where Luna defeats him." He added in, "But I'd rather Luna not do it. Not that I'd stop her. Free Will and all."

"Why not?" Luna asked him curiously, "Why would you rather I not defeat him?"  
"Quite simple." Kino said, "Because you're still considered a kid. I don't like the idea that the wizarding world put all their hopes on the shoulders of a kid. It's wrong. Sirius is an adult…sort of."  
"What do you mean 'sort of'?" Sirius protested.

Kino shot him an amused look as he put down a card. Death followed, putting down another card, though it was clear the being was listening to his master closely.

"I would very much like Sirius to champion Free Will. He's a perfect candidate, considering Fate had originally planned for you to die in Azkaban without ever having your name cleared. Yet, in nearly every timeline you defy that, in nearly every one of those timelines, you become the first person to ever break out of Azkaban prison, and then go on to save the lives of so many. I would take you as my champion, I would even give you a magical blessing. But only if you were to decide it. Free Will and all." Kino grinned.

Sirius looked shocked at the declaration,

"Me?"  
"Why not?" Kino shrugged, "You're my godfather, I think my parents made a damn good choice. You were their champion, now you can be mine."

The door to the café opened and Ollivander walked in. He didn't at all look surprised to see Death there.

"Hello, Harry, Luna, Death. I'm sorry, I don't know who you are." He looked at Sirius who let out a groan and hit his head on the table.

Ollivander took a seat next to Luna,

"He sure is a peculiar fellow, isn't he?"

Kino nodded in agreement,

"He is a bit strange."  
"You're calling me strange?" Sirius lifted his head disbelievingly.

"Well, it is a bit strange, introducing one's self by hitting one's head against the table." Luna offered, then turned to Ollivander, "That's Sirius Black in disguise at the moment. We're calling him Stubby Boardman though, since we can't exactly go calling him by his real name."

"Ah, I see." Ollivander nodded in agreement, then looked over at Death, "I assume…you are the one who created the wand, correct?"  
Death gave a silent nod and Ollivander's eyes traveled over to Kino,

"Then that makes you…"

"Kino." Kino agreed, "God of Free Will. Of course, I attained that title in an alternate timeline. It's a bit of a long story."

"Oh. Well it's quite an honour, Mister Kino. Who would have thought I'd end up selling a wand to a legend…though I suppose the one you use now is far better…"  
"I actually quite liked the wand you made me." Kino admitted, "I used it for years and years and years, until I could no longer use it. I think it might have had to do with me becoming a god, different magic and such."

Ollivander hummed in agreement,

"So then, poker?"

"Quite." Kino agreed, starting to deal the cards.

"This is so freaking weird…people are staring." Sirius noted.

Kino grinned,

"Drink the reversal potion and maybe we can have a little more fun."

"Right, because this obviously isn't fun enough." Sirius snorted, but actually started considering it, "You know, it's almost like a bad joke. Death, a wandmaker, a criminal, and a god walk into a café…I don't think I know what the punchline is."

"You'll get it eventually." Kino said sympathetically.

Deciding the whole thing was absolutely barmy anyways, Sirius took the reversal potion out of his pocket and took a sip, returning to his true appearance.

It certainly did cause a stir, but the group continued on with their game.

Death let out a groan, which caused all those watching to shiver.

"You really aren't all that good at this, are you." Kino noted, looking over his shoulder and at his hand.

"No…" Death admitted, "I haven't played poker in centuries."

"Hmm…after this round we could try a different game then, maybe." Kino suggested.

No one seemed to protest.

"So…" Sirius began, "Death tournament?"

"Yeah…" Kino agreed with a sigh of exasperation, "Another scheme to kill me no doubt."

"You'll be fine." Death said sympathetically.

"Thanks." Kino said, "I know the first task is probably going to be dragons again. You know, unless I've really screwed up the timeline. I don't think I have though, so we should be good."  
"What do you plan on doing?" Sirius asked him.

Kino shrugged,

"I have a few ideas. Don't know which one I'll act on."

"It's always good to keep your options open." Ollivander offered, "I suggest coming up with several strategies, so if something does go wrong, you'll have something else to fall back on."  
Kino hummed,

"I might just take that advice." He agreed.

The door to the café burst open and a bunch of aurors came running in, wands drawn, though it was clear there was confusion all over their faces. Amelia Bones came in too, Kino was a tad surprised at that.

"Hello, Amelia Bones." Ollivander waved, still concentrating on his cards, "Redwood, rigid, twelve inches, unicorn hair." He mumbled absently.

The head of the DMLE looked at the five poker players incredulously, she was weary of the cloaked skeletal figure, she got shivers just looking at him. The others were Ollivander, the man who had just greeted her, Harry Potter, and Sirius Black. She didn't know who the girl was though.

"What is going on here?" She normally wouldn't ask this, but the whole thing was simply too ridiculous not to ask…

"We're playing cards." Kino answered simply.

"With Sirius Black?" Madam Bones repeated.

"Hm?" Kino looked up at Sirius and back over at Madam Bones, "Oh, right, I almost forgot."

He reached into his robes and pulled out a box with three holes in the top of it. He opened it up casually and pulled out a stunned rat. He paused a moment and looked at Sirius who had gone wide-eyed.

"Is that…" Sirius whispered.

"When's your birthday, Sirius?" Kino asked him curiously, "You never did tell me…"  
"Er, November third." He answered.

"Oh, rather good timing then." Kino said, brightening somewhat, "Happy late birthday." He then pointed his wand at the rat and shot a spell at it.

The rat grew, and grew…and grew, until the aurors were looking, in utter bafflement at an unconscious Peter Pettigrew.

"That man is Peter Pettigrew." Kino said, "He was my parent's secret keeper, and the one who blew up the street all those years ago. When Sirius saw Pettigrew in his rat form in the paper that Minister Fudge left behind, he thought I was in danger and escaped Azkaban to protect me. You'll notice that he's missing two fingers. He cut them off in order to fake his own death, then transformed into a rat and escaped into the sewers."

"It's really him…" One of the aurors whispered.

Some of them were certainly old enough to remember Pettigrew from their own school days. Madam Bones looked pained,

"Great…that's just what we need…"  
"Sirius was never given a trial." Kino added in, "So…is he off the hook? And can we finish up our game?"

"Arrest Pettigrew." Madam Bones ordered.

Two of the aurors went to the unconscious man and cuffed him.

"Mister Black…would you please come with us to answer some questions?"

"Uh, sure." Sirius said, a bit dazed. He was seriously going to go free? Really?

"Mister Potter, you too. Would you be willing to answer a few questions?"

"Sure." Kino agreed with a smile on his face, "Perfectly willing. Oh, sorry, Luna. I don't mean to abandon you…"

"It's quite alright, Harry." Luna said brightly, "I've had a most interesting day. Will all our Hogsmeade visits be like this?"

"I promise I'll try to keep things interesting." Kino decided.

Luna beamed at him,

"Just wait until I tell daddy about this!"

Kino chuckled,

"Alright, I'll see you later, Luna, Ollivander, Death."

They all waved, leaving for a very peculiar scene as both Sirius and Kino were escorted away by the aurors.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, getting into the first task…here we go.**

**I do not own Harry Potter**

Amelia Bones would spend the rest of the day interviewing Pettigrew, Kino and Sirius over what exactly happened that night all those years ago. Pettigrew had confessed after only a bit of pressure, sobbing about how he hadn't had a choice, that Voldemort was going to kill him if he hadn't done what he'd done.

It was clear that Sirius Black was innocent. Madam Bones released him and started preparing for Pettigrew's trial which would be held only two weeks later.

The door to Sirius's interrogation room opened and Kino came rushing in,

"Siri!" he pounced on Sirius, sending the man crashing to the floor.

"Ow!"

Madam Bones watched the scene with a bit of amusement. She still didn't understand why the two of them had been sitting in a café playing cards with someone who was supposed to be 'Death' of all things. Maybe it was some sort of joke? It certainly seemed like something Sirius Black would do. The man was notorious for his pranks back during his time at Hogwarts.

"You can gain custody of me now, right?" Kino asked Sirius.

"Yeah, I can gain custody of you." Sirius agreed, "But before we start talking about that…could you maybe get off me first?"

Kino pretended to think about this, he was sitting on top of Sirius who was on the floor, laying on his back.

"I don't know…well…if I have to..." He grinned, getting up off the ground and offering Sirius a hand.

The man took it, and Kino pulled him up.

"I should probably get back to Hogwarts…Oh, that's right!" Kino recalled, then took a piece of parchment out of his pocket, "Please take my previous offer under consideration. Here's the details."

Sirius blinked, looking down at the parchment in confusion.

"Come watch me fight a dragon later, Siri, it's going to be a blast!"

"I'll escort you back to Hogwarts, Mister Potter." Madam Bones offered.

"Okay, thanks." Kino agreed, allowing her to show him out of the room.

"You may leave, Mister Black. Your name is cleared." Madam Bones assured, "I'll send you a letter to inform you of your compensation for your imprisonment later."

Sirius nodded absently. He was free…free to do whatever the hell he wanted. He took out the parchment Kino had given him. His eyebrows shot up in surprise a grin made its way onto his face. He knew exactly what the hell he wanted to do.

The newspapers the next day were full of blaring headlines in regards to Sirius Black's proven innocence and Peter Pettigrew's incarceration in Azkaban.

"Good for you, mate." Ron said, patting on the shoulder, "Sirius is free so, you'll get to live with him now, right?"

"I certainly hope so." Kino agreed, "He's said he'd watch me fight the dragons in the first task, I can't wait to see him."

Ron and Hermione both paled. Luna, who had taken to sitting with them at the Gryffindor table didn't seem surprised in the least…though Luna was never surprised.

"Dragons?" Hermione repeated shakily.

"Don't worry." Kino waved away, "Luna and I came up with a plan. It was quite brilliant actually."

Hermione gave them an odd look,

"Harry…what exactly is your relationship with Luna anyways? It's like you became friends overnight…" it had been bothering her for a while.

"That's tough to explain." Kino said thoughtfully, "We met in the hall, another Ravenclaw was being mean to her and knocked her books down and I helped her pick them up. We got to talking and…I guess we just hit it off?" he shrugged, "I heard a rumor about there being a Yule ball or something coming up at some point, I'll probably ask Luna later. I want to ask her as soon as possible before someone else does. But when should I ask her…"  
"Oh, I was planning on asking you." Luna said, looking bewildered.

"Well now we obviously have a problem." Kino sighed.

Luna nodded in agreement,

"Who's going to ask who and when?"

"Seriously, are you dating or…" Ron interrupted, not entirely sure what to make of the two of them.

"I haven't even thought about dating." Kino admitted, then looked at Luna, "You want to date?"

Luna looked thoughtful,

"I wouldn't be against it. You did bring me a herd of crumple-horned snorkacks. I suppose that could be considered romantic."

Kino shrugged,

"I just did it because I thought the chaos that would ensue would be funny. Plus, they now worship me as their god, so, there's that…"

"Quite true." Luna agreed.

"Well, I suppose we could give it a go." Kino decided at last, "I've never dated a human before, so I'm certainly looking forward to the opportunity. How about we have a picnic next weekend? That sounds dateish."

"That does sound dateish." Luna agreed, "Alright, picnics are fun."

Kino gave a nod, then looked back at Ron and Hermione who were eyeing the pair oddly,

"I'm sorry I asked." Ron eventually said, turning back to his meal and poking at his salad.

The day of the first task arrived and Kino was eating lunch normally when McGonagall came for him,

"Come Mister Potter," She said, "The champions need to make it down to the grounds to get ready for the first task now."

"Alright." Kino agreed, wondering if Sirius had made it, he looked down at Luna, "I'll see you after the task is done."

Luna nodded, completely unconcerned in comparison to Hermione and Ron who appeared to be nervous wrecks.

"Don't worry." Luna said as Kino walked away with McGonagall, "Harry has a plan. It's brilliant, if I do say so. He won't die…besides, you saw the results of our poker game, Death can't have Harry for at least another week."

Neither Hermione nor Ron were reassured by this.

As Hermione, Ron and Luna made their way down to the Quidditch pitch, they were called over by a very familiar man sitting in the stands with most of the Gryffindors.

"Luna! Hermione, Ron!" he shouted, waving at them joyously. He was sitting with a Remus Lupin who looked to be a nervous wreck, fidgeting in his seat and looking down at the pitch. He seemed to jump at nearly every sound.

Surely enough, they could all see cages with four different dragons in them, all separated from each other of course.

"I can't believe he's fighting dragons." They heard Remus say as they approached the two men.

"Don't worry." Luna said dreamily, "Harry has a plan."

"I've been trying to tell him that." Sirius said, "But he just doesn't listen."

"This must be a good plan for you to not be worried at all." Remus said, looking up at Sirius who seemed to be the epitome of calm.

"He'll be fine." Sirius nodded, a very severe look on his face as he looked down at the stadium.

Bagman came out to explain to them all what the task was, that the champions had to retrieve a golden egg from the nest of a mother dragon. Something Hermione fumed about as she was quite certain it was animal cruelty.

A whistle was blown and the first dragon was released, a chain around it's neck, though it was still most definitely deadly. The first champion to come out of the tent was Cedric Diggory who transfigured a rock into a dog and had it distract the dragon while he retrieved the egg.

"A most commendable strategy." Luna nodded wisely.

"A bit sloppy." Sirius commented, "Though I'm a bit biased. Using a dog as a distraction is not my first choice."

The second one out was Fleur who used a sort of magical song to lull the dragon into a trance. Sadly, it broke from it's daze and attacked, setting her robes on fire. She managed to extinguish it though, and quite quickly. She lost points for the damage with the judges.

The next one out was Krum.

"Not surprising." Luna said, "Harry certainly loves to make an entrance. He would be either first or last."

Sirius nodded intensely and Remus gave his friend an odd look, thinking it weird that he agreed with that line of thought.

Surely enough, once Krum went back into the tent (he'd gotten a lower score due to the dragon's eggs being broken), Kino came out at the sound of the last whistle.

The fiercest of the four dragons came out snarling, flames coming out of it's nostrils. Yet Kino remained calm, looking the dragon directly in the eye, he drew his wand.

"Accio, afro wig!"  
In a matter of moments, a fluffy wig came flying out of nowhere and into Kino's hand. He took off his glasses, letting them fall to the ground, then put on the wig and started moving his fingers back and forth.

"What the hell is he doing?" Remus hissed.

Sirius and Luna both stared down at the field intensely. The crowd had gone silent, baffled by the peculiar behaviour.

The dragon seemed to calm down, it's gaze turned back towards the tent, staring at the entrance intensely. Kino then walked past the dragon, took the golden egg, and walked back without the dragon doing a thing.

"What was that?" Hermione looked at Luna, hoping the blond girl would have an explanation, "You and Harry planned that, right?"

"We did." Luna agreed with a sharp nod, "We agreed that this was a tournament where the champion would have to do something to get passed the dragon. But if the dragon was confronted by someone who wasn't the champion, they would completely ignore them."

Hermione just stared at the girl with fish eyes.

"That's why we had to buy a wig. Harry Potter doesn't have an afro, everyone knows that."

"That's. Not. How. It. Works." Hermione thumped her head against the wooden railing with each word she spoke.

"Well," Ron began, looking down at the stadium, completely befuddled, "That was stupid."

Remus's jaw fell open slightly, only agreeing to Ron's sentiment with a slight nod.

Kino had to keep himself from laughing as he was called out by the judges to see his score. He had scored pretty low, though he figured it was because he hadn't used any flashy display of magic and had basically mocked the entire first round of the tournament.

_Serves them right for making me fight dragons when I could have very well have been a side performance,_ Kino thought to himself, still fuming a little bit at the lack of effort in regards to his safety.

He made his way out of the quidditch pitch where he saw Hermione, Ron, Luna, Sirius, and Remus all come running over to greet him.

"Harry!" Luna called, "Our plan worked!"  
Kino beamed at her,

"It did, didn't it?"

"Harry," Hermione approached him, "What did you do exactly?"

"I was just about to ask the same question, Miss Granger."

They all turned to see Dumbledore coming out of the tent, eyes sparkling madly with curiosity.

"It's quite simple," Kino began, "I disguised myself so the dragon wouldn't recognise me. Then I approached her nest and took the egg."

Dumbledore blinked in complete and utter confusion, an expression that appeared rather foreign on his face.

"Which is why he summoned the wig." Sirius supplied helpfully.

"Exactly." Kino agreed, "Everyone knows Harry Potter doesn't have an afro."

Hermione let out a small scream of frustration and Remus planted his face into his hands.

As the days went by, people approached Kino asking him how exactly he had managed to get passed the dragon, only to walk away in confusion once he had given him his explanation. Hermione and Ron had started acting concerned about Kino's recent behaviour as it was most out of character for the boy that had known for years now, and rather crazy. Some people believed it was Luna Lovegood's influence, and though that might have been partially true, it also had much to do with the fact that Kino was completely unburdened by his 'destiny,' having decided not to put the weight of the world on his own shoulders this time, and resolving himself to never return to the Dursleys.

Unburdened, unhinged, and with godly powers and knowledge of the past and many possible futures. Of course, he was a little crazy.

Kino took Luna on a picnic by the lake on Saturday which ended in the two of them doing a bit of cloud watching.

"Hey, Kino?" Luna asked him.  
"Hm?" Kino said lazily, staring up at the sky.

"Wanna go to the Yule ball with me?"

"Yes." Kino said, "That is, if you're asking me to go with you?"  
"I am." Luna said simply.

"Then, yes." Kino agreed, "I suppose that resolves the who should ask who and when debate."

"It was getting a bit old." Luna agreed.

They continued to laze about the day in contemplation, there wasn't much else to do, after all. Kino already knew how to open the egg. But there was one problem…

"Hey, Luna?" Kino asked her vaguely, "The second task is saving the person I would most miss from a hostage situation beneath the lake. That would probably be either you or Sirius. But how can I really screw with their minds?"

Luna looked thoughtful,

"I would have to be simple." She thought out loud, "Too flashy and you might reveal your secret."

"How long do you think it would take for an average wizard to vanish all the water in the lake?" Kino asked her, trying to think outside the box."

Luna looked thoughtful,

"I think I know what you're thinking…It would take quite a bit of time…Perhaps an hour?"

"Perfect." Kino grinned, "The task will be approximately two hours long, I should think. And wouldn't it be fun if I could get the other champions to join in?"

"Oh, but what about the merpeople?" Luna asked him worriedly.

"Point." Kino agreed, "Maybe I'll keep that as a back-up plan then. Think I should try making a deal with the merpeople? Oh! I just thought of something, oh, this will definitely be funny. Luna! We need to order a lot of green seaweed and some rice!"

Luna looked excited at this, any plan involving green seaweed had to be a good one.


	6. Chapter 6

**And yet another update. I was going to post this earlier, with my other stories today, but something came up. I'm back now and it isn't midnight yet!**

**I do not own Harry Potter**

"Miss Lovegood," Dumbledore approached Luna nearly a week later, his face was panicked, "Do you have any idea where Mister Potter went to? Any at all?"

"Oh yes." Luna agreed happily.

This caused the headmaster pause. How was it that Hermione and Ron had no idea where the boy had gone off to and Luna did? Harry had been missing for a week now, and everyone was scrambling about trying to find him.

"You know where he is?" The headmaster repeated, calming down somewhat, eyes twinkling he inquired, "And why didn't you come forward with information on his whereabouts?"

Luna gave him a confused look,

"Because he told me not to tell anyone. He doesn't want to be disturbed right now. Don't worry, he'll be back in a couple of weeks. Three tops. He won't miss the Yule ball either, since he said we'd go together after he was done."

The headmaster gave her an odd look,

"What exactly is Harry doing?"  
"He's preparing for the second task." Luna said simply, "He said that he had to become an anthropologist for a short amount of time in order to pull this off. He wrote me yesterday though to tell me to order as much green seaweed as I could. Does that help?"  
"Green seaweed?" Dumbledore paused at this, then recalled the first task.

He'd gotten lucky the first time, the headmaster admitted to himself, but would he try to pull of something so utterly ridiculous again? Well, there was one way to find out,

"Did you help him plan out a strategy for the second task, Miss Lovegood?" The headmaster asked, hoping that she hadn't.

"Harry's the one who came up with it." Luna beamed, "But I did help him a bit with the details."

The headmaster left the girl, a sinking feeling in his gut. Once his back was turned, he was unable to see the smirk that made its way onto Luna's lips.

"Luna," Hermione cut in, she was sitting next to the girl, "Where is Harry exactly, and why didn't you say something sooner?"  
Luna looked at her in confusion,

"I thought that was rather obvious. Harry is conducting an anthropological study on the Fresh Water Merpeople of Britain. And I didn't say anything because Harry told me not to."

Hermione shot her a confused look,

"An Anthropological study on merpeople?" she repeated doubtfully.

"Yes." Luna agreed, "Merpeople are quite a bit smarter than dragons, you see, so an afro probably isn't going to fool them."

Hermione didn't even want to get into the argument over how that shouldn't have worked the first time at all. She'd grown tired of trying to figure out the logic behind how Harry had even managed to get that.

"Well," Luna began, getting up, "I suppose I ought to order the green seaweed for Harry now. I'll see you later, Hermione." She left the Gryffindor table, leaving both Ron and Hermione in a state of confusion.

"What do you think Harry's gonna do?" Ron asked Hermione wearily.

The bushy haired girl shrugged her shoulders,

"I don't know." She admitted, "Harry got lucky last time. If he tries to pull something like that again…"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Ron shrugged, "I mean, if it worked then there must have been something, you know? Maybe he really does know what he's doing."

Hermione looked doubtful at this, but couldn't find the words to refute his argument. She went back to eating her lunch.

….

0000000000000

….

As Luna had promised, Kino returned to Hogwarts three weeks later, waddling through the halls wearing a wetsuit, goggles, a snorkel and flippers.

Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore came running down to see him as they caught wind of his return. As they rounded the corner, they paused at the peculiar sceptical. Snape just so happened to approach them from behind, and even he looked rather confused (though briefly) at Kino's choice of attire.

"Potter! What are you wearing?" Snape looked like he was positively itching to take points.

"Mm?" The snorkel was in his mouth still. He quickly spat it out of his mouth and set his goggles on his head.

"Whoa, feels weird to be breathing normally. Hey, professors." Kino greeted with a grin, "I'm back."

It was Dumbledore who decided to speak up,

"Harry, why did you leave? That was very dangerous to…"

"Oh, I didn't leave, professor." Kino answered brightly, completely ignoring the anger that seldom made its way into the professor's voice, "I was on Hogwarts grounds the entire time. I'm afraid I couldn't make it to class though. I was preparing for the second task."

"Where were you then?" The headmaster frowned outright.

"The lake." Kino answered, "It was a bit chilly, but in the end, I learned a whole lot! Did you know our local Merpeople population is Delshiekian? I had no idea."

McGonagall felt a headache coming on, she rubbed the bridge of her nose,

"Mister Potter, your behaviour as of late has been most…unusual."

"Oh, that's because I had an epiphany, professor." Kino said brightly.

McGonagall raised a skeptical eyebrow,

"An epiphany, Mister Potter?"

Kino nodded his head,

"It has come to my attention that if a person can sign someone else up to do something and not suffer any consequences, than I can do the same."

No one liked where that particular conclusion was headed.

"So, I've decided not to fight Voldemort."  
Dumbledore paled, not sure how he was supposed to convince him to rethink his decision.

"Instead, I'll just make someone else do it." Kino said, "It feels so nice not having that burden on my shoulders anymore." He let out a sigh.

"Harry," Dumbledore began slowly, "Even if you decide not to fight, Voldemort will come after you."

"Oh, he most certainly will." Kino agreed, "But fate and free will have been at war with each other for a very long time, professor. It's not my fate, nor is it a matter of prophecy that I do something. I always have the free will to refuse, or the free will to make my own decisions."

"How did you know about the prophecy?" Snape suddenly asked, deathly pale, or at least more so than he usually does.

Kino grinned,

"Well, I never outright said I knew…but, I knew. Why else would Voldemort come after me? He's pretty stupid, after all."

This seemed to cause everyone to nearly face-fault, or at least have their expressions twist in such a painful way that it made them look as though they might be ready to have a heart attack.

"Tom, Tom Riddle, playing on a fiddle, little Riddle in the middle, Tom Morvolo Riddle, with the silly name he gave, that lone and chilly day. Poking at a pompous wart, he called himself Vol-de-mort! Tom, Tom Riddle, playing on a fiddle…" he sang as he waddled passed them.

They were all too shocked to take away points or assign detention.

"It is a rather catchy tune." Dumbledore commented, starting to hum along to the song.

Snape drew in a breath through his nose, then let it out through his mouth,

"That brat is going to get himself killed!"

"He's snapped, Albus." McGonagall decided, "He's finally snapped."

….

0000

…..

The Yule ball came around and Luna came down to the Gryffindor common room dressed up in vibrant, tie-dye robes, with a white cat ear headband on her head and a white cat tail clipped to the back. It certainly did look odd.

Kino had gone along with the theme, wearing black cat ears on his own head and a black tail clipped to the back of his dress robes.

Ron was in the common room and when he saw Kino come down, he shot him a strange look.

"Are you really going to wear that?"

Kino blinked,

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing." He shook his head.

Luna was already there and Kino beamed at her,

"You look absolutely beautiful Luna, very groovy."

"Groovy?" Luna repeated, unfamiliar with the word, though she beamed at the compliment anyways.

"I certainly feel like I ought to be getting drunk with a blue caterpillar." Kino gave a nod.  
"Is that what 'Groovy' means?" Luna inquired, finding she quite enjoyed the word.

"I believe that's the dictionary definition." Kino nodded his head.

Well, it was in sixty seventh dimension, so…

Ron shook his head, though admittedly worried. Harry seemed to be getting crazier and crazier each day.

He perked up when he heard someone descending the stairs, he'd asked Parvati Patil to go with him to the Yule ball and she'd said yes, though she hadn't seemed too enthusiastic. They'd both been quite clear that this was a 'just friends' sort of thing.

Instead of Parvati, however, it was a girl in periwinkle robes, curly hair done up neatly and cheeks rosy. A smile graced her happy face. Ron's jaw dropped open slightly when he realized just who he was looking at. Kino wasn't all that surprised, of course.

Hermione paused as she descended the stairs, specifically wen she saw Luna and Kino dressed up as cat-people. She shook it off quickly, however. Harry had been worrying her as of late…and she wasn't too sure about Luna who seemed to be encouraging his bizarre behaviour.

"You look very pretty, Hermione." Kino told her enthusiastically.

"Thank you, Harry." Hermione beamed at the compliment. Normally she didn't care all that much about her appearance, but this was, technically a date, and she had been trying rather hard to look nice for the occasion, "Oh, I worked so hard trying to get my hair to go flat and…" She started fussing with her curls, but Kino was quick to reassure her,

"I'm sure Krum will think you're the bell of the ball."

This caused both Ron and Hermione to freeze.

"How did you know?" Hermione wondered.

"Krum!?" Ron shouted, obviously not liking the idea one bit.

"Of course." Kino agreed, nodding his head enthusiastically, "Krum's been checking her out for a while, and I've seen the way Hermione acts around him."

Hermione flushed, confirming that his observations were spot on.

"B-but, why are you fraternizing with the enemy?" Ron accused and this caused Hermione to boil over.

"Ron," Kino interrupted, "Why would you say that? This whole thing is about encouraging relations between schools. Besides, you had your shot at her."  
Ron turned red,

"I don't like Hermione that way." He snapped.

"No? Then you won't have any objections in her going." Kino smiled serenely.

Ron's mouth fell open, then closed again…then opened again. It was clear he had no idea what to say. Hermione looked rather stunned at the very thought of Ron having feelings for her. She then looked back at Kino,

"Harry, that was very…"

"Manipulative of him?" Luna suggested.

"Well," Kino looked thoughtful, "The hat did want to put me into Slytherin. Why do you think it took so long to get me sorted?"

"The hat wanted to put you into Slytherin!?" Ron shouted, now finding another absurd idea to latch onto.

"Oh dear," Kino said, "Ron certainly seems to be going through a lot of revelations tonight…Anything you want to get off your chest, Luna? Now's the time, if you're hiding any dirty secrets from him, he'll be so focused on this that it probably won't even matter."  
Luna looked thoughtful,

"Well, I was thinking about having sex with Harry tonight…"

"Ha?" Ron wondered, now unsure as to what he ought to be focused on, Kino's sorting, or that his best mate might be getting laid.

"That's certainly news to me." Kino agreed, "Though I'm not against it."  
"Harry!" Hermione shouted, scandalized.

Kino blinked in confusion, then looked at Luna,

"Shall we go to the ball, my lovely mademoiselle?"

Luna took linked her arm in his and nodded, allowing Kino to escort her out of the room.

The great hall was decorated with winter decorations, crystals and a small hint of some sort of Christmas theme. Kino and Luna certainly stood out with their cat theme outfits and Luna's tie-dye dress, but it was clear that the two of them could care less about the attention.

Ron and Parvati came into the room, though Parvati wanted to dance, it was clear Ron wasn't about to indulge her. Kino and Luna made their way over to the two of them.

"You're planning on interfering?" Luna asked him curiously.

"I'm Free Will." Kino shrugged, "I'll give him a bit of advice, but after that, his decisions are his own." They came within earshot and Kino put on a smile,

"Hey, Ron! Hey, Parvati, you look beautiful."

Luna gave a nod,

"Turquoise is a nice color on you."

Parvati smiled at the compliment,

"Thank you, very much. You look…" She paused, "You look good too."

"Thank you." Luna said dreamily, obviously taking her hesitancy in stride.

"You don't mind if I steal Ron for a moment, do you?" Kino asked her with a smile.

"Er, I suppose." Parvati shrugged.

"Thanks." Kino told her, "I'll give you a dance later if you'd like. Oh, if Luna says I can." He looked at Luna who gave a nod.  
"I'm fine with that, but you have to come back after." Luna warned him seriously.

"Of course." Kino agreed, "And you have to come back to me after too."

"Of course." Luna echoed.

"You two are such a couple." Parvati sighed, "Wish I could have something like that."

"I'm certain you will." Kino said amusedly, "If things don't go too well, I'd be happy to set you up. I remember one particular friend who commented how jealous he was that you were going with Ron, because you were the most beautiful girl in the school."

"Really?" Parvati asked, shocked at that.

"Well…I'd say Luna is the most beautiful…but I'm biased." Kino admitted, causing Luna to beam at him, "But a lot of guys like you, Parvati…to the point where a lot of them are a bit intimidated. Don't be too put off, we're fourteen, so we're going to be a bit stupid. If you want to try dating though, I'd suggest Seamus, he wanted to ask you, but didn't have the courage."

Parvati looked thoughtful at this and Ron shot Kino an angry look.

"And on that note," Kino said, "I'm going to pull Ron aside to talk about something super secret that you may never, ever want to hear. But I'm telling Ron because he deserves it, let's go." He grabbed Ron and dragged him away, leaving Luna and Parvati to talk a bit. They were a tad different, but Luna could certainly strike up a conversation with anyone if she wanted to, and Parvati was much the same.

"What's the big idea, mate?" Ron hissed, once they were out of earshot.

"You and Parvati are here as friends, right?" Kino said slowly.

"Well, yeah, but you can't just go telling her about Seamus like that." Ron frowned with annoyance.

"Then quit being a prat." Kino snapped, "She wants to dance with you, Ron. Dance with her, have fun. You're being rude to her. She came here wanting to have a good time with you and you're acting like an idiot. Now, you can either sulk all night, and Parvati will eventually go off with some other bloke, because it's obvious she's planning on having some fun no matter what, or you can enjoy yourself."

"Why do you care?" Ron snarled, "You have a girlfriend."

"I do, and she's amazing." Kino agreed, "I'm not interested in Parvati that way. But you're making her time at the Yule ball absolutely miserable and it's only been a few minutes! It's up to you. Have fun or be miserable."

Kino turned around and walked away, content that he'd opened up another choice for his old friend. But it was up to him whether or not he took that chance.

He returned to Luna and held out his hand,

"I couldn't help but notice that there was a beautiful lady here who has yet to dance." Kino held out his hand charmingly, "Would you give me the honour?"

Luna giggled and took his hand, allowing him to take her out onto the dance floor and away from Parvati who appeared to be amused at Kino's antics.

Kino watched out of the corner of his eye as Ron returned, but he was still sulking. Kino let out a sigh, realizing he would not be taking the chance he'd been given.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Seamus walking off the dance floor. His partner had been swept away by a boy from Beauxbatons.

He'd give it a while longer, Kino decided. It was possible that Ron would change his mind.

"Would all the champions make their way into the center of the great hall so that we might begin the banquet?" McGonagall called.

Kino led Luna into the center of the room. Cedric had asked Cho in this timeline too, Kino noted. Hermione and Krum were together, thought it seemed Fleur had asked a different boy to dance with her this time around, an older, Gryffindor boy. Last time it had been a Ravenclaw.

Kino smiled as he felt the effects of her free will rippling through time and changing the course of events. He loved it when people used free will.

The music started and Kino led Luna around the room in a flurry of twirls and obviously practiced steps. Luna appeared to enjoy every moment of it, and the other champions and their partners looked pretty content as well, though it was clear Fleur wasn't all that in to her partner, the boy at least had a bit of decorum, unlike the Ravenclaw from before.

The song ended and another one began. Everyone there started to dance. Well, most of everyone anyways. Kino looked off to the side where Ron still hadn't asked Parvati. The two of them didn't dance all night.

….

00000000

…..

Kino returned to the Gryffindor tower the next morning, a silly grin on his face and his hair ruffled rather crazily. A few people stared at him as he entered the dorms.

"Harry?" Seamus was the one who came over first, looking at him with awe, "Did you…did you and Lovegood…you know?"

"I got drunk with a blue caterpillar." Kino murmured, then fell into his bed, falling asleep.

Seamus looked at his sleeping figure in confusion, then looked over at Dean who shrugged his shoulders, not sure if that was a denial or confirmation.

"I'm taking that as a 'yes.'" Seamus decided after a moment's thought.

Ron grumbled something before marching out of the dorms, still obviously upset over the way his 'date' had turned out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, another chapter here. It's been a while since I updated, I've been working on my other stories mostly and I kind of just forgot to publish. Oops.**

**I do not own Harry Potter**

Kino was rarely seen after that before the day of the second task came around. But as the winter ended and spring came, the champions all lined up at the lake, while Kino, who was not at all in a swimsuit or even dressed for swimming, came around pulling a cart. There wasn't a restriction this time on bringing items, muggle or magical, so he could get away with a little bit more.

"Er, right." Bagman said, giving Kino a funny look and wondering what the lad was up to this time.

"Champions, ready?"

They all nodded, getting set to dive in, accept for Kino, who instead turned his cart around, revealing that it held a bunch of cooking utensils and drawers stuffed with ingredients.

"Ready." Kino agreed.

"He's gonna die." Remus whimpered, face in his palms as Sirius rubbed his back absently, "He's gonna die…he's gonna die…I'm going to go bald…"

Sirius had to force himself to keep the large grin off his face. He didn't know what the plan was this time, but he had not a doubt that it would be something utterly hilarious.

"Alright…" Bagman shot Kino one last awkward look, "Uh, go…I guess?"

The champions all dove into the lake, using bubble head charms, transfiguration, and some sort of potion.

Kino took out a hand full of rice and spread it along a wooden mat. The audience, unable to see any other champion, watched Kino intensely, wondering what in the name of Merlin he was trying to do. It got even weirder when he got out a fish and started stripping it of it's skin and putting it on top of the rice.

"Alright, I'm lost." Ron said in the stands, looking at Sirius who was stroking his chin thoughtfully, "What is he doing?"

"Well," Sirius began, and a few people turned their attention to him, "He never told me about the plan, but it appears that he's making sushi."

Ron deadpanned,

"No, really?…I got that." he said, "But…why?"

Kino chopped up the sushi neatly and with an expert hand. After thirty minutes, he had managed to make over thirty roles. He then gave a nod and walked over to the lake, then let out an ear-piercing shriek that caused the audience to cover their ears.

"What in the name of Merlin!?" Ron wondered.

"Oh," Sirius's eyes widened in realization, "When Harry was off doing his anthropological study, he must have learned to speak the language."

Remus shot Sirius a look of incredulity,

"Sirius, don't take this the wrong way but, what is wrong with you?"

After a moment, some of the merpeople came to the surface, their eyes fell on the sushi stall, then they looked back at Kino. They seemed to have a conversation, exchanging screeches.

One of the merpeople, who seemed to be some sort of leader, held up two fingers. Kino then held up five, the merman held up ten. Kino frowned, then held up one.

The merman frowned as well and held up seven fingers. Then Kino did the same and they both nodded, as though reaching some sort of agreement.

"I see." Sirius realized, drawing attention to him, "Harry must be trying to make a deal with them. Sushi in exchange for his hostage."

Remus opened his mouth to tell him just how ridiculous that was, before closing it again. It actually seemed to be a sound theory, considering how ridiculous the last task had been.

Luna Lovegood came to the surface, a merman holding onto her. Kino smiled brightly and waved to his girlfriend. Luna waved back happily. Kino then went over to his stand and started putting the sushi on wooden plates, then started handing them over to the merpeople. Some of them surfaced one at a time, all looking for some sushi. Once Kino had served them the prescribed amount, the merman let go of Luna who swam towards the shore, shivering slightly. Kino took out his wand and cast a warming charm on her, before she kissed him on the lips,

"My hero." She said, "Could I have some sushi too?"

"Seventeen knuts for a plate." Kino said automatically, causing a few people to look at him like he was crazy, but Luna didn't seem put out at all.

Fleur surface, panic on her face as it appeared her potion had warn off, she looked over at the shore and saw that Kino had gotten his hostage back.

"'Ow deed you do zat?" she asked with awe.

"Easy," Kino said brightly, "I lived among the merpeople for about a month to figure out how I could bargain with them to get Luna back. They like sushi by the way, it's quite a delicacy for them."

Fleur looked at him with utter fascination, swimming back to shore and asking him, there was clear desperation in her voice,

"My potion wore off and Gabrielle…"  
"The price for a hostage is seven plates of sushi. Each plate costs seventeen knuts." Kino told her charmingly.

Deciding she had nothing to lose, she ran towards her mother who was in the crowd. She quickly handed her the money and Fleur bought the sushi.

Kino told them all in mermish what Fleur was doing and they quickly agreed, one of them dove down and quickly brought the girl to the surface.

Fleur handed the sushi to the merpeople and Gabrielle was handed over to Fleur.

"Thank you for your business." Kino said politely, then started on making some more sushi.

Sirius got up from his spot in the stands and made his way down to the stall,

"I'll have a plate of sushi. Give me a maki combo."

"One maki combo, coming up." Kino agreed, starting on the sushi.

Luna ate hers happily, obviously enjoying her dish.

"Well," Bagman began, "Since Mister Potter was first to bring back his hostage…I suppose we'll score him first." He sighed, wondering why the boy insisted on mocking this tournament.

Dumbledore let out a sigh that mimicked Bagaman's, realizing Kino was definitely not going to score well,

"For excellent cooking skills, and for taking a month to learn some mermish, I'll give him a seven." He decided, shooting the number into the air.

Interestingly enough, it was Madam Maxime who scored him highest, with a ten,

"I found zat most amuzing." She said with a smile that certainly spoke of amusement, "You worked quite hard, learning a language and the culture, not to mention the culinary skills. Zat would have taken far more effort zen the ozer champions put in. Eet also goes to show zat not everything can be solved by magic, non?"

Kino grinned at her, glad that he had managed to amuse someone. Karkaroff gave him a two, while Bagman gave him a five and Crouch gave him an eight.

So, mixed reviews, Kino thought to himself, finding he hadn't really expected that.

"For Fleur Delacour who got her hostage back by buying sushi from Mister Potter…" Dumbledore gave her a four.

Madam Maxime gave her a six. Bagman gave her a one. Karkaroff gave her a one, and Crouch gave her a two.

"Well, you win some you lose some." Kino shrugged, placing Sirius's sushi on a plate and handing it off to him.

"Thanks, Harry." Sirius grinned, taking a bite, "Hmm, that's pretty good." He complimented.

"I haven't had sushi in a while." Dumbledore said wistfully, getting up from his spot at the judge's table and making his way over to the stand. He took out seventeen knuts.

"I'll take the dragon combo, please."

"Certainly." Kino smiled happily, preparing his sushi quickly and putting it on a plate.

"Thank you, Harry." The headmaster said, then headed back to the judge's table and started sharing amongst the group who all tried some of it curiously.

Cedric surfaced with his hostage, Cho Chang. He looked around in confusion when he realized he wasn't the first one back. He started helping Cho swim back and noticed a line starting to form outside of Kino's stall.

"Um…what's going on? What did Harry do?" he wondered uneasily.

"Oh, right!" Bagman said with a mouthful of sushi, "Mister Diggory is back…for use of the bubblehead charm and retrieving the hostage within the time frame…" he scored Cedric an eight.

Crouch gave him a seven, Dumbledore gave him a nine, Madam Maxime gave him a nine, and Karkaroff scored him a five.

Krum surfaced before Cedric could ask what was going on once more, his transfiguration wearing off. Krum was quickly scored and Kino noted that it was the highest.

"You deedn't even leave da land, deed you?" Krum looked at Kino accusingly as he helped Hermione up onto the pier.

"Nope." Kino said proudly, "I lived among the merpeople for a month, conducting an anthropological study, learned their habits, some of their culture, and discovered that sushi was considered a delicacy, especially sushi that uses saltwater fish, or fish not found nearby. So, I thought, if I could make them sushi, maybe they'd trade for Luna."

Krum shot him an incredulous look,

"dat worked?"

Kino shrugged,

"If a person wants something enough, or is offered a luxury item, of course they'd take it over something, or someone they have no interest in keeping."

"I guess…" Cedric muttered.

"Sushi is seventeen knuts if you want some." Kino offered, "Bottled water is free for the champions though…here you go." He handed a plate of sushi over to the person in front of him and was given money in turn.

"You're making money off of this?" Hermione asked him dryly.

"I'm not risking my life for nothing." Kino shot her a scandalous look, "I don't want to win, 'Mione, and I'm behind. I'm also not competing for the trophy, remember?"

"Er, well, about that, Mister Potter…" Bagman began, sweat forming on his brow, "Well, we were thinking that since you've been so entertaining that…"

Kino let out a grown,

"But I don't want to be a real competitor...I volunteer Sirius as tribute!"

"Harry, that won't work." Hermione said as calmly as she could.

"Why not?" Kino whined.

"Because this isn't _The_ _Hunger Games_!" she exploded.

Kino clicked his tongue and served another customer, smiling all the while.


End file.
